Figured It Out
by thewonderwomenpost
Summary: Jade realise the solution on all of her problems. Just do what Tori Vega does, ignore yours and deals with everyone else. Or more specific deal with your nemesis' problem.
1. Chapter 1

I was sitting in the waiting room, waiting for my midwife to call me in. Taping nervously I was annoying every single person in the room, which was just fine with me. Something fun I had to do whilst being stuck in this god forgotten place. While concentrating on my breathing, convincing myself that I was going to be okay, that it was nothing, I saw an certain half Latina girl enter the waiting room. Quirking one of my eyebrow I study her intensely. When did miss perfect who only had kissed, and never done anything more, start to go to a midwife? Why should she? Probably to get counselling on how to shave her bikini line. Looking down at my lap I couldn't help but to smirk, I could blackmail miss peachy perfect. She was visiting a midwife, what would happen later? She would actually go on a third date with a guy?

Sitting and mocking Tori was actually great, kept my mind off things. Like that dreadful meeting with my midwife. My stomach made backflips just thinking about it.

"Tori Vega," a bored voice called out and Vega got up and walked away.

Why was she here? I couldn't help but to not over think about this. There are like two reasons you visit a midwife, either you're a child and need to get your vaccines or you're a woman whom is pregnant or needs advice when it comes to sex. There are no other reasons! So why was she here? It could be as simple to get herself prescribed birth control pills so she would have an easier period. But where would the fun be in that?

"Jadelyn West," my midwife called out. My heart started to race, butterflies flying around. I wasn't scared nor nervous, I was terrified.

Sitting down at the uncomfortable chair, in front of my midwife who only stared right into her computer screen didn't comfort me, nothing could.

"Okay Jadelyn, how have you been feeling?" She asked, still more concentrate on the computer then me.

"Perfect," I lied.

She actually looked up and stared at me which I only answered with staring back. Eventually she hesitantly nodded and looked back.

"So today we are going to do an ultrasound to see how big it is before we remove it, it probably is just a cysts, nothing to worry about Jadelyn," she tried to reassure me.

But here's the thing, I've googled my symptoms, it probably isn't just a cysts. It something worse. I was dreading to get to know the answer but at the same time it would be good to actually know what the fuck was wrong with me.

I sat down at the stretcher and lifted my sweater up. The cold disgusting jelly thing was put on my stomach and then the search began. I didn't want to look at the screen, silently I was begging, just a cysts, just a cysts. When I heard the midwife's oh my heart stopped. It wasn't just a cysts.

"Just wait here, I'm going to get a doctor," the midwife excused herself and walked away.

I was just staring at the celling while beating myself up, of course it couldn't just be a cysts. What had you expected Jade? That this would go easy?! It was me after all, nothing could go easily smooth, something had to be in the way. So what was going to be my decision? Operation of course. I still wanted to look pretty, think me without hair? What an awful image.

"Hey, I'm doctor Aidan and I've heard it's a problem here," a very young and handsome doctor said. He flashed me a smile before he poured, yes poured, some more jelly on my stomach.

"Okay, if you look here you can see that this isn't something normal, can you see it?" He asked me, flashing a smile. For fuck's sake I was dying here and he was going to charm me?!

I only answered him with a death glare because fuck him.

"Um, okay. Not one for words, got it. So you see here is a tumour, a quite large one actually," he said while he kept on smiling! I could only stare at him, didn't he learn anything at all in medical school?! Shouldn't the man had some sympathy? Some compassion to his work? Not smiling to someone who just found out they have a growing, quite large tumour in their fucking uterus! Wait, I don't know if it's growing. Of course it's fucking growing or how else would it gotten so large?!

"Um, doctor, she hasn't found out yet she has one..." my stupid midwife thought to say after this disaster of comment.

"Oh," doctor Aidan got out of him.

"Oh," I bitterly remarked. I truly hope a building falls on him.

"Um... Maybe I should let you talk to your midwife now..?"

"Are you stupid?! Or just plain incompetent?! I can't discuss these kind of things with a midwife! I need a oncologists!" I snapped.

My midwife whom I own my life to chased the doctor away and then we started to speak. I was quite determined on that I would do the surgery, I couldn't go through chemotherapy because me without hair? Come on I would look ridicules. Plus if I did the surgery and everything went to hell I would still have a second chance.

Walking out of the hospital, with an appointment to an oncologists I felt strange. What did I know about cervical cancer? Nothing. Walking to the parking lot I walked past the bus stop were a very sunken half Latina sat. Was she sobbing? I stood and stared at her before I fumbled myself towards her. Sitting down on the bench I didn't know what to say or why I had seated myself. Fumbling with my words I slipped out: "What's wrong?"

Tori flied up and looked horrified at me before a very bitter facial expression took over.

"Why do you care?" She asked, the words very dripping of bitterness and it surprised me. What had I ever done to her? A lot of bad things, but still shouldn't she trust me when I come up to her and trying to be her friend? Nope.

"Well it's just strange to see you here," I said, shrugging towards the clinic were we just had come from.

"And then you came crying out of it and that is never a good sign. So what had happen, accidentally kissed a boy and now you got mouth herpes? Because, really Tori it isn't that bad," I said, trying to sound sincere or something close to it.

Her bitter facial expression harden and she looked right down cold, her cold death stare bored down into my spine and her eyes reminded me of a dead dear's.

"Oh, that is what you think brought me here? That I, miss perfect who is the biggest prude, can't do anything bad? Well do you know why I'm here?!" Her voice had started to shake and she was tearing up.

"I'm here because of one stupid night! I'm here because I slept with a guy! And do you know what I got now?" She asked, and actually was waiting for my answer.

"Huh? The great Jade West doesn't have anything to say? I'm shocked. Well because of that boy I have now chlamydia and on top of it I'm pregnant too!" She screamed out and then the tears were just spurting out and she was sobbing so hard. She fell into my arms and my first instinct was to push her away but then something stopped me. Instead of pushing her away I started to stroke her back and tried to do something so she would calm down.

"I know you're mad right now, who wouldn't be? I mean you let go of one night and this is what happens but chlamydia is treatable and you can always get rid of it," I tried which shot her up.

"Oh you think I'm keep this?" Her nasty glare told me she had had enough of life so I shock my head.

"I'm getting rid of this, I can't let something like this stop me." She was looking away, far off in the distant. Poor Tori. I mean on some ways she earned this but still, she didn't quite earn all of this. Maybe the chlamydia thing but not the whole I'm pregnant. We all been caught in the moment of heat. One shouldn't be judge of one mistake.

"When?" I asked and she looked at me.

"I don't need your pity," she snarled which I understood.

"I know, but you do need a female friend. A female friend who cares, and understands what you're going through," I said rather calmly and couldn't help but to look at her lower stomach.

"On monday," she muttered out.

I stared at her, that was like so far away. What if she change her mind?! What if it grows? I stared once again at her stomach, waiting almost as if it would grown out of her stomach just with my stare.

Tori's laugh brought me back to reality.

"You don't have to look so scared Jade, it's just a foetus. It won't attack you."

I nodded and made a weak smile. Just a foetus. We could laugh about it. Like at a joke at a dinner party. Casualties.

"Um... Do you need someone to come with you?" I asked her unsure.

She only sighed before she spit out: "Jade I know why you're doing this, so you can rub it in my face or spread this all over school to get my perfect imagine ruined or so you can blackmail me in the future. So stop trying to be my friend because really you aren't."

I looked at her before I got up but before I walked away and said with so much sincerely I could posses and both her and I was surprised on how sweet and nice it sounded: "If you ever need someone to talk to you know where to find me, and the offer of me going with you is always going to be there. This isn't something you need to do alone, this is something your closest and dearest should support you of. Especially the father. Just saying."

Walking away I realised I hadn't thought about my problem, the growing tumour inside of me the entire talk. I realised that by solving Tori's problem, and helping her I wasn't thinking about mine. Which I so beautifully needed. I realised that I should just from now on truly concentrate on Tori, helping her, being her friend so I could escape from my reality.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking into school the next day felt strange, surreal. Like last day hadn't happen. I was tense, who wouldn't be? But I couldn't go around and pity myself forever. I needed to keep my mind off things, school was a great escape but also Tori. Looking over at her locker I didn't see her. Wondering where she could be I started to get scared, what if Tori had started to go through personality changes? Maybe she would start to skip school, drink or maybe do drugs?! What if she would become this bitter, nasty, sarcastic lady? Because Tori will always be a lady, she can't get rid of that title, never in my eyes.

I was broken away from my thoughts by arms sneaking their way around my waist, turning around I saw Beck. Oh shit. I need to tell him.

"Hello bo-"

"What the fuck Beck?! You can't call me our private nicknames out here in the open!" I interrupted, slight furious at him. How could he do this?!

He only laughed in my face which made me scowl. God I hope he dies in a hole.

"Sorry bo-"

"No! You know what, go away! Go and flirt with that thing over there because I'm done with you!" I hissed and walked away. I had one of his plaid shirt in my bag that I could cut up as a way to express my anger.

Walking into the girls' bathroom I angrily searched through my bag and grabbed the shirt. Angrily I started to tear it before I found my scissors. I was just about to cut the first cut and I was anticipating the great relief I would always feel when I made the first cut but I heard someone throw up in one of the bathroom stalls. Great, now my moment was ruined and I wouldn't get it back. Sighing I wonder what idiot would come to school when they were obvious this sick. My answers were giving a great explanation when a redhead came out of one of the bathroom stalls, pale and feverish while hugging a stuffed animal.

"Cat, why are you in school when you're sick?" I asked, crossing my arms to look more authoritative, now she wouldn't dare to lie to me.

"Because I need to present my science project today! Mr Heartwood said if I didn't do it today he would fail me!" She whined.

Cat was such a whinny wimp when she was sick so it was just awful being around her.

"Mr Heartwood will understand if you're sick, that isn't a good enough excuse as to why you being here. I'll drive you home," I offered, feeling like a saint because during these past few days, okay today and yesterday I had offered doing good deeds. I felt pleased with myself.

Cat only let out a whimper before she came crashing down at my chest and started to snuggle herself in deeper in my cleavage. Cat was always found of my cleavage. Thinking about it now, maybe a little too found of it.

Before I could even register what was happening I heard Cat's choking sounds and soon she threw up all over me. She didn't even register what she did, she only fell down back at my chest again, making a splashing sound when her cheek hit my shirt that had vomit all over it. It made me feel nausea.

"Ugh, Cat come on. Please just stand up right," I tried but the girl was asleep! How could she even be asleep?! She was standing up!

"Okay, good deeds," I muttered out but in to the bathroom Tori came walking in. I had never been so happy to see the girl. Finally I had a person who actually enjoyed doing this kind of things and I could go home and change.

Tori only eyed me and Cat before walking into one of the stalls. Not a word, not a sign that she would help me, nothing!

"Um... Tori..?" I asked after some silence.

"What?" Asked a very annoyed Tori.

"Aren't you going to help me..?" I asked. When had I started to ask Tori for help? When had I even started to ask instead of demanding?

Tori came out of the bathroom stall and just shock her head.

"Why would I?" She asked. With an attitude!

I just stood there and stared at her in sheer surprise. She was going through a personality change. I knew it! I needed to find a way to get Tori back. Not her innocent, god knows when she lost that one but just to get her back.

"Stop looking at me like I would be a dying puppy," she said while mindlessly washing her hands.

"I'm just surprised to see what's in front of me," I said.

That got her to react. Her head snapped up my way and her eyes whom still looked like a dead dear's was bring holes into my eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" She asked, a warning tone under. But I wasn't afraid of Tori Vega, the girl wouldn't even be able to throw a punch. Plus I had little Cat in my arms in the moment so she wouldn't dare to do anything.

"I'm just so surprised that it was this easy to break you to pieces, one little setback and then you're suddenly this bitter, cynical bitch who goes around and pity herself. Do you really think you're the only one going through something like this? Don't think you're so special, there are others who has gone through the same thing, and it's not something easy but it shouldn't change you into a bitter cold hearted bitch. So please take this hit and then raise again, because to be able to make it shine you need to be a star."

After my little lecture she couldn't say anything, she was speechless. I thought she would do something, start to scream at me, cry or something to let me know how she was feeling but instead she shook her head, smiled a little before she said: "Nothing is as it seems, what do you know what is happening right now in my life? What if I suddenly got tired of being everyone's pushover? Maybe I'm sick and tired of being there for people, and taking care of them? Maybe this time I want to take care of myself and maybe, just maybe I want someone to be there for me too. But I know if I share my secret no one will be there for me."

"I will," I stated firmly. We had a staring contest, neither of us backed down, well until Cat made a strange sound which caught both of our attention.

I stared down in horror, waiting on her to throw up all over me again. But instead she only snuggled herself deeper, if possible, into my cleavage.

"Seems like Cat is found of your boobs," Tori comment and she smiled. I caught a glimpse of the real Tori, the one I missed.

"Well who isn't? Now can you just hold her for a little while so I can get myself cleaned up?" I asked, I didn't really wait for an answer I just pushed Cat away from me and hoped Tori would catch her, which she did.

Taking off my sweater I tried to clean it in the sink which wasn't doing any good, just making me feel more disgusted and nausea then before.

"You know, if you're going to be there on monday you need to be there for me. No one else. You're going to care about me, and my well being," Tori began slowly.

"Who else would I be there for? The father? The baby? Come on, of course I would be there for you. I'll take care of you, I promise you that," I said and looked into her eyes. "I'm going to be here for you, during everything. You don't need to do this alone. It isn't good for anyone."

Taking away the sweater from the sink I took some paper towels and swirled it around it and pushed it into my bag. The ripped plain shirt I put on and slowly I took Cat away from Tori and started to walk away.

"Jade?"  
>"Yeah?"<p>

"Why are you doing this?" She asked, and I wonder why did I do this? Just to distract myself, trying to get some good deeds done so I would get away from the inner circle of hell? Or was it just because I liked Tori, and wished there was more people like her out there. Or maybe this was my way of asking for forgiveness over what I've done and trying to reach out. Anyway the only thing she needed to know was that I cared about her, and I would stand by her side.

"Because I care about you. And it would kill me to know you've gone through this without anyone. I'm here to support you, and pick you up when you fall because you've done it to me, you've done it to everyone. It's time someone do it for you."

She weakly nodded at me, I understood she had been touched by my words and wanted some time alone so I walked away. Plus Cat really needed to get home. Maybe this whole thing with Tori would turn out like it did with Cat. Cat was like my adoptive, unwanted daughter. When we were young, when my parents were still happily married and her brother not as crazy as now we were neighbours and I kind off never got rid of her after that. Even though both of our families scattered we kind of just sticked together. Hopefully if this would turn out as it did with Cat Tori still would have the decency or the IQ to not call me mom. Or Beck dad. I smiled at that memory, he really freaked out when Cat screamed out daddy. He thought I had a surprise for him in my tummy. I was actually quite found of that memory, he slaved for me for one entire week thinking I was pregnant. God I'm evil. But maybe it is time to change that... Becoming a better person. A better friend. A better daughter. Or maybe just become someone who people can remind as an awesome bitch.


	3. Chapter 3

After dropping Cat off I went home and changed, the empty house gave me a moment to breath out. Thinking on how I could prove to Tori even more I would be there for her, to support her I just came to the conclusion I would drive her away. To be too pushy would make her uncomfortable and she would start to ignore me. Can't have that. I realised I had to give the girl some breathing room. Almost throwing up when I took my ruined shirt to the laundry I started to curse, to make me feel better. Stupid Cat if I would get sick now it would be all because of her. What if I would get sick? That would just worsen the situation! Both mine and Tori's. Tori's because I wouldn't be able to be there for her if I was home sick. And mine because of obvious reasons, you can't be sick and do surgery. Stupid Cat!

Frustrated I stumped away and drove back to school. If this is what you get when you're trying to do good deeds then fuck it. I'm not going to risk my own life to make someone's else better. The anxiety and stress had started to make me feel like someone was ripping me into thousands of bits. My stomach was set on fire and my heart was breaking without any good reasons! Sitting down in class I started to concentrate on the history assignment we've had been given to do some days before. Even though the assignment was clear bullshit I still tried my hardest to do a fine report and turn it in to the teacher, while the rest of the class complained. I wanted more bullshit reports because they made me think about how much load of crap they were making me forget feeling like I couldn't breathe.

Out in the sun, eating some lunch whom wasn't that good. Life felt awful normal when I could just sit and stab my uneatable salad. But when I caught a glimpse of Tori I couldn't help but to stare, how was she feeling? How was she doing? Was she doing okay? The answers to my questions couldn't be answer by staring her down but with talking to her. Which she of course would decline. How could I show her I would be there for her without being to pushy?

"What is my boo-boo thinking about?" Beck whispered into my ear almost making me flying off the chair.

Glaring at him I stabbed my salad maybe then my message would finally be received to the boy who clearly hadn't braincells.

"Don't be so scary, no one is going to sit with us," Beck patronised which made me gnashing my teeth.

"Beck if you want this knife stabbed into your leg fine by me," I threaten and started to search after the half Latina. She couldn't be so easily scared away from the table? Robbie was on his way over here.

The next person who sat down next to me, also scaring the living daylight out of me was Tori. Happy that I could keep track on how much she was eating and from there make some kind of diagnose on how she was doing.

"Why are you staring so much at Tori? You aren't going to do something stupid are you?" Beck asked concerned.

Making me annoyed, why would I do something stupid towards Tori unprovoked? I thought he knew me better than that and what those rumours said. Apparently not.

"Why are you staring so much at me?" I asked.

"Because I love you."

"Mmm the same thing goes for me, so back off," I snarled and looked down into my salad. Beck was surprised over my answer and I saw him go through five different stages of panic. Made me feel a little bad but I hadn't had the greatest of mornings. Plus did he need to be so, on me? Couldn't he give me some space? I needed to figure out some things, like how was I going to build a trusting relationship with Tori? How was I going to stay healthy until my operation? How would I tell everyone I had cancer? Throw a surprise party? Yeah, I don't think so.

After lunch I walked away but Beck caught up with me.

"You don't really love Tori do you?" He nervously said while combing his fingers through his hair.

"God genius use your brain sometimes, no I don't love her I just can't handle you today and you're just making it worse."

He seemed hurt by my harsh comment which made me feel bad, he deserved someone better. Someone like old Tori.

"Okay... Sure, see you tomorrow then?" He asked cautiously which I nodded at and walked away.

Unfortunately the last class I had was English class with Beck and Tori. I felt for a moment split, who would I sit next to? Tori or Beck? Sitting next to Tori would show I cared and stand by her but it would cause a lot of commotion and attention which neither of those things Tori wanted but if I would sit next to Beck I would have to put up with his annoying behaviour for one hour but also Tori would maybe take it as I had already forgotten about her. Big problems whom was solved easily with that the teacher said we would have discussion today and we would be in groups.

Smiling happily or more like smirking I sat in between Beck and Tori. That smirk faded when I heard the topic, abortion. My heart started to thump and I nervously looked at Tori who didn't seemed bother at all. The group would decide if it was for or against, come up with arguments and then discuss with other groups. Panic was flooding through my body but I put on a smile and said: "So are we for or against?"

Both Beck and Tori looked at me like I was an alien. So I asked a question the world isn't set on fire.

"Fine then I decide, we're for."

"Are you okay Jade?" Beck asked concerned, Tori also looked like I was dying.

"Yes, why you ask?" I snapped and looked down at my body. Was I bleeding? I had been bleeding for a month now but I swear I changed tampon this morning. Oh my god had I had an accident?!

"No... Just wondering."

"Stop asking stupid question and start to come up with arguments instead," I demanded and leaned forward to Tori.

"Is my ass okay?" I asked her slight panicking at the thought.

Tori seemed surprised over my question and was dumbfounded awhile before she doubtfully said a weak yes.

"Are you sure?"

"Your ass is fucking fine, one of the finest asses in this school," Tori said which made me confused. So my ass was great had I had an accident or not?!

"No I mean is my ass okay as in okay okay?" I asked while trying to get this stupid confused girl to understand.

"Oh." God she was a moron.

"Yes it is."

"Um girls can you help me out?" Beck asked cautiously which made me explode. Hadn't I been together with a boyfriend who knew everything about gender quality and women's rights? Shouldn't he be able to count up arguments on to why women should be able to decide overt their own bodies in his sleep?! Apparently not.

"Give me the paper," I demanded and wrote down my arguments I had because of the sake of it. I was a proud feminist. Who loved to pick a fight. Not because I was a feminist but because I was that kind of person.

"You know an awful a lot on the subject," Tori stated sounding air headed. God was I stuck in a group project with people who had learned on how to think yesterday and being able to formulate a sentence today. Tori I could understand why she was idiotic, she was Tori after all but Beck?! I've been dating that guy he should be able to have at least the capacity of formulating a sentence.

"Well I thought it would come handy one day," I deadpan.

"Really?!" Beck out of all people asked surprised.

"No you idiotic morons! I want to be able to decide over my own body, do you know who wants to take away that right from me?! Controversial people! So then you need to be able to defend your rights," I snapped and then I looked up. "Who is going to discus?"

"Not me," Tori stated and for a short moment she looked at me pleading. I wouldn't put her up there, it would be just plain cruel and I was trying to win her trust.

"Beck then," I said.

"Why can't you do it?!"

"Don't you want to defend women over the world?!"

Beck sighed and took the paper away from me.

"Fine I'll do it but promise me if I don't win you can't kill me nor verbally assault me."

"Fine, fine now win this discussion for us," I demanded and leaned back. My job in school was done, and hopefully Tori duty too because I was exhausted. I could fall asleep at any given moment.

"Being together with you have to be like being stuck to an never ending roller-coaster," Tori stated which made my blood boil. How did she knew how I was like an girlfriend?!

"I'm nice," I said and crossed my arms. Too late I realised the act seemed childish and Tori had all right to laugh at me.

"But you then, you're not a fairytale either. You're probably one of those girlfriends who is like buy me that, and take me out for dinner and when you get pissed you just shut up instead of talking about it. Do you know what stress reliever it is to just rant about things who pisses you off? And if your partner is a fucking asshole you should have the right to say so, and Beck is a fucking asshole all the fucking time so I have the right to scream and yell at him all the time."

"You okay Jade?" Tori asked worried.

No was my first answer in mind but Tori was doing what she was always doing, hiding her problems by solving others. And I had stolen her tactic and she wasn't getting it back.

"Yes, I'm fucking fine except from that Cat threw up on me! And then Beck is behaving as an asshole but there is nothing to be done towards that." Fuck. I wasn't supposed to be ranting about my problems.

"I see what you're doing and it not going to work. I'm going to watch out for you, I promise," I hurriedly said stopping Tori from coming with advise.

Mrs Martin was glaring at us so I thought it was better to shut up. No unnecessary trouble for me.

It was a pretty boring discussion thinking no one seriously was against abortion or maybe someone was but they hadn't any good arguments. As if there is a god out there, why even mix it into the argument? So god will be disappointed but no matter what you do in your life you let someone down.

Walking out of the classroom feeling I could drop dead and sleep for the next forty years I wasn't that aware of my surroundings, excuse me for having faults.

"Jade?" Tori asked making me frown what did she want? Old habit of course.

"Yes?" I asked pinching myself so my bad mood wouldn't ruin anything I've built.

"It's on monday... Two o'clock. I'm not coming to school either on monday nor tuesday. Care to come with me?"

I stared at her, her eyes didn't look like a dead dear's anymore, they had hope in them and a genuine smile graced my lips.

"Of course... When should I pick you?"

"Twelve... Also can you come with me to the office and help me get permission to have monday and tuesday off?"

"Um don't get permission, call in sick on monday a much better tactic."

"Why?"

"You'll have to state your reason and your parents have to sign. I mean it's a valid reason but that is if you want your parents and the principal to know."

She looked thoughtful before she nodded in agreement.

"You're right... Thanks."

"Don't thank me, seriously don't thank me. I'm just helping out a... Friend."

I smiled at her and she smiled back. We had a moment but it was ruined by Beck.

"Jade, can I ride home with you? My care broke down this morning and I had a ride with my dad and now he can't come and get me and-"

"I understand Beck and your excuse is pathetic but valid, you have permission to enter my car."

"Sweet, can I drive?"

"Don't push your luck, I might kill you."

He laughed at my very genuine threat. He even had the nerve to kiss me on the forehead before he noticed Tori who laughed at my frown.

"Hey Tori, um I didn't see Trina's car in the parking lot you're getting picked up by someone?" Beck asked and my heart started to race. What if she had decided to met up with the father? What if he was an asshole and would beat her up for no reason? Or what if he would raper her? Or what if-

"What?! That fucking bitch! Did she just leave me here?!" Tori screamed out making Beck straighten his back and I to take a step back. Angry Tori is scary Tori. But no one needs to know I thought that except from Beck. He can stand in front of me. You know protection...

"Um... I bet Jade can give you a ride," Beck offered and then all eyes were on me.

Of course I would have given her a ride home. Trying to earn her trust here, can't stop now.

"Of course," I said unsure on how to handle the situation.

Beck came up close behind me before he quietly said: "Drive Tori home first." Then loudly: "Shotgun!"

After dropping Tori off at her home Beck looked at me before he started to talk about Tori's reaction while I nodded in agreement. But Tori was under a lot of stress, putting up an act like that take practise. You need to separate your emotional state from yourself and look at it from another perspective and forget about it if you truly want to master the act of someone else on full time. I wouldn't know because I'm not doing it but I've read it somewhere. Or I have a brain so I can actually think.

"You know Beck Tori is going through a lot right now..."

Beck looked at me like I had grown a second head.

"How do you know that?" He asked.

"Well... I kinda know something about her and I know how hard she is having right now... You need to be nice towards her," I said looking into his eyes feeling more and more guilty. I was hiding things from him, not only Tori's secret but I had forgotten to mention I had cancer and telling him now would just be awkward. And it would look like I was turning the attention from Tori to me which I was done doing.

"I'll be nice towards her," Beck said and hugged my tight with his hand.

"Boo-boo is there something else your hiding from me then Tori's secret?" Beck asked, damn he was good.

"No... Are you?"

He shook his head and gave me a last hug before he left me in the car. I drove home that day in tears, I didn't even know why I was crying. When I got home I stripped and laid on my bed and hugged my pillow while I let my tears flood. Where were my bullshit report to take my mind off things?


	4. Chapter 4

I had red about abortion on the internet, I knew a lot about the subject but I didn't knew how it worked. Tori would either suck it out or she would take some magical pills. Either way I panicked when I red about it, it was terrible traumatising! How would sweet Tori survive such awful thing and still have her personality intact? Or maybe old Tori would come back because she could feel relief and for the first time she could relax?

Either way I needed to concentrate on preparing Tori for the whole thing so she wouldn't have a traumatised memory. Even if preparing wouldn't make it less traumatising, she would at least know what to expect.

Stomping towards my locker I knocked a freshman over, because of the sake of it. It wasn't as hilarious as I had hoped for. Helping Tori maybe had changed my humour into something more nicer? That awful thought was quickly proven wrong when I started to laugh when I saw Robbie getting a wedgie. God that really made my morning ten times better. I was even giggling while walking into science class.

"What made your morning so good?" Tori asked whilst sitting down next to me.

"Saw Robbie getting a wedgie," I explained, trying to get my laughter under control.

"Someone should give you a wedgie so you know how it feels," Tori scolded me but she couldn't hide the smile from imagine Robbie getting one for too long.

"That won't hurt, I'm a girl," I said condescending.

"Trust me Jade, doing it the right way you'll scream, either in pain or pleasure," Tori causally remarked.

Speechless for a moment or two I made myself look like an uneducated fool. Once when I had gain my footing the class had started and Tori only smirked. I had lost a fight. Some would say it was good for me, I objected and said it was humiliating! I always had a witty comeback, where were they now?! Could I blame it on I had cancer?

The end of the brain killing lesson did not only save me a few brain cells but also my pride. Because the lack of attention you could have in this class I had figured out some comebacks, that would send Tori crying to the girls's bathroom. But Tori was quick out of the class which made my witty comebacks unspoken.

Just a little irritated I passed my school day rather bored, not even the memory of Robbie getting a wedgie could save me from this distress of boredom.

"Bo-"

"Beck I swear to god I'll kill you," I interrupted the asshole. Lately I had thought a lot on buying one of those dog's collar that will help you raise your dog by spraying water in it's face. Because me hitting the boy didn't help at all.

"Just wondering if we're going to have a little movie night tonight?" Beck asked while suggestively winking his eyebrow.

"Movie maybe but definitely not sex," I stated.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm on my period."

"You've used that excused for a month now!" Beck desperately cried out. He really needed it...

"Well it's true, better like this then teen pregnancy?" I asked.

"No."

"Oh, so you're ready to become a father? A little infant crying night and day, wanting attention and care every single minute? Never being able to be young again, never feeling the wonders of youth. You're ready for that?!" I lashed out because I knew Beck was everything else then ready for a child. He loved to spend time with me, also known as having sex. He loved taking care of me... Maybe he was ready for a child?

"Well, not necessarily now... But I would love one day for us to have maybe one or two," he goofily said. I know it was meant as cute, and as an reassurance of the future. For fuck's sake he pictured us together but I knew after this operation I wouldn't be able to ever again have the ability to reproduce. Never be able to get pregnant. Would he leave me for it? I know that today, when we are young and children seem so far away he won't use that excuse but what happens when we're 30? Will he stick to a woman whom can't even do the one thing women were supposed to do?

"Fuck off," I spat out and stormed off. Fucking flying fuck. I was loosing my womanhood, because of what? A tumour? I would never be able to be pregnant. Never be able to have a child. I was useless, no man would ever want me. Ever single one of them would eventually leave me, because I wouldn't be able to give something that is expected of me. A child.

Getting to the parking lot I didn't knew what I was feeling, distress over nothing. Anxiety. I didn't even knew if I was scared. Was I scared? But what was I scared of? Being dejected because I would loose my ability of reproducing? Ending up as the lonely lady because a man would never find me attractive because I couldn't get pregnant. It sounded so silly, so ridiculous. But I knew in my thirties it wouldn't sound so silly, so ridiculous.

Texting Tori I needed something that would stop me from breaking down right there, and the little girl answered. She even thought it was an good idea to get over to her place. This would be the first friday in forever I didn't spend it with Beck but someone whom, was my friend..? I don't really know about the friend thing. I mean I don't throw out those words so easily but I felt like maybe I should change. I after all had called her a friend as early as yesterday. So Tori was my friend, I would spend my friday with her instead of Beck. Things were changing but maybe I wasn't so much against it. After all life is too short for habits, isn't it?


End file.
